Hello world! Dr. Harry’s Homilies (Vol II): Prescriptions for Better Aging

January 29th, 2009

This is my first BLOG on an adjunct website. My home site is www.harryshomilies.com There you can find most of my activities: published writings, photos, books, etc. I want to use the BLOG for some new material and pictures that accompany this material. I have been frustrated at trying to publish a book on aging, so I will publish some of it in the BLOG. (The material has been published elsewhere in print, and it is copyrighted. However, I would be overjoyed to have readers use the material for discussion or personal application. No commercial use, please. Thanks.)

My first entry is the introduction to my book on aging:

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (II): Prescriptions for Better Aging
                      THERE’S AN ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING!
                                  ( You just have to make it up.)
                                                       PREFACE
For those of you who are familiar with my first book, Harry’s Homilies: Prescriptions for a Better Life, welcome back. If this is your first encounter with me, come on in!  Harry’s Homilies, Volume II is out of the computer and in your hands. This series of aphorisms is an ongoing labor for our local medical journal, St. Louis Metropolitan Medicine.  However, for this volume, I have chosen to focus on questions about life as we age, and I have broadened my audience: ALL of us. There are more new homilies, some previously unpublished, and I have reworked some of my old favorites that pertained to this subject. It has been, after all, more than 10 years since I penned the first of these, and I am now older and wiser [?]. I have changed the format a bit: I have attempted to pose the questions about aging that we all wish to be answered, and I have incorporated my aphorisms into the narratives. It is my sincere hope that you, the reader, will find something in one of these pages that will be uplifting, heartwarming, interesting, or funny – something that touches you or makes you smile. It is still fun to create these little essays. I hope it is fun for you to read them.
Fall haze  That’s all for now, Look for mor e installments soon….

Posted in Life Lessons | 189 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies - Prescriptions for Better Aging, Section I “Getting there…” Part 1

March 25th, 2009

SECTION I: “Getting there…”
 

AGING  IS REALLY JUST A SERIES OF ADJUSTMENTS, and  is not easy! First of all you have to stay alive just to get “old.” For some, this is not in the plan, and they leave  early. For the rest of us who actually make it to that “esteemed” place in life, there are some rewards: You are often venerated, deferred to, and prized for your wisdom. On the other hand, you may be equally ignored, disrespected and discarded.
In addition, the “golden years” are not so gilded for many of us. We must adjust to illnesses, pains, and infirmities of every description. If we maintain  our minds, we can put up with the bad body parts. But almost as often as our “engines” begin to sputter,  our “computers” crash: ERROR MESSAGE- “You need to reboot to activate your upgraded programs!”        I have often remarked to my students that I no longer function with a Pentium chip, and my internet server is on dial-up. (For the uninitiated: I AM SLOW, like an old computer.) But, IF GOD MEANT US TO LIVE FOREVER, HE WOULD NOT HAVE ISSUED PARTS THAT WEAR OUT!
This first section of this book deals with life’s everyday questions as we age. Dare I say it?: they are age-old problems.  Life is full of them, and they grow more difficult to handle as we “mature”. On the other hand, we are a bit wiser as we age. Many of the problems we have solved before, and they become easier the second or third time. Hopefully, we will live comfortably into our dotage, and even better, we can die “comfortably.” Remember: YOU EITHER GET OLDER OR YOU DON’T!


Let’s go…
 

        Q: Is there any hope for us old folks in this modern era?

There are a number of you who remember the muscial, Hair. It claimed we had entered the Age of Aquarius. I would have to have an Astrological reading to know exactly what that meant!  But now, I submit, now we are entering the “Age of the Aged.”  The population of our planet and especially of the USA is growing older. There are plenty of signs: larger print in publications, computers, and advertisements;  TV ads for consumer products used by “older adults”; and dried plums on every breakfast menu: THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF THE AGED.
Remember what someone once wrote:  POKE THE FIRE; FAN THE FLAME. THERE’S STILL SOME HEAT  AND LIGHT TO COME.  Glowing coals still give warmth and are sometimes more comfortable than a blaze.

     Q: So, can we expect a lot of “good stuff”  when we grow old? 

  
           No,  LIFE METES OUT ITS GOOD THINGS IN SMALL PORTIONS. 
When  we read about someone winning the lottery, we are envious.
“I wish I had won it,” is our thought. More money does make life easier. But there may be other things in our lives that add up to much more than material wealth.   A loving mate and a good relationship, a happy and productive career, children and grandchildren, good health, and  friends are some of the good things that don’t make the newspapers.  If we are lucky enough to gain them, you can’t measure them with your calculator; but I’d bet the winner of the lottery would trade you the money for those “goods” on any day. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE NOT BEYOND YOUR REACH: CLOSE YOUR EYES.
      WHILE WE ARE ALIVE, WE ARE NEVER COMPLETE.  Most of us have potential that is unrealized, unfulfilled. We work and study and strive for that “good life, “but we come up a little short. GOOD! That is the way life should be. If we all succeeded all the time, we would be bored. Keep struggling! Keep growing! You will be better for it.
Think of this little poem:
                    Yesterday, I was someone else;
                   Today I’ll just be me.
                    Tomorrow is another day;
                    Who knows what I can be?

End Section I, Part 1

Posted in Life Lessons | 111 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies: Prescriptions for Better Aging- Section I (cont’d), Part 2

April 15th, 2009

Harry’s Homilies Blog

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (II) cont’d….

Q: How will I look when I am old?

          WE CAN IMAGINE OURSELVES GETTING OLDER, BUT  BEING OLDER REQUIRES A STRONG DOSE OF REALITY.  Maybe you  will no longer be “cutting edge”, but “wise.”  When we are young, we look at aging people and say: “I hope I never get to be like that!”  Then, hopefully, time passes and you are “like that”. Well, maybe not so bad as that person in your memory looked when you were young, but still, pretty much “like that.” Truth is, FOR US HUMANS, AGING IS LESS LIKE WINE  AND MORE LIKE BREAD.

 It isn’t too bad, really.  In spite of our looks, we get to work less hard, travel at a discount, eat for less money You know, all those “senior” perquisites.  All and all, getting to be “like that” is far better than not getting to “be.”  And “old bread” often has some uses: Think penicillin, bread pudding. Perhaps I should not be so hasty in my judgements. After all, I fit the “mold” so to speak. So get real! Get old! You may enjoy it!  KNOW WHO YOU ARE; BE WHAT YOU ARE; LIVE AS YOU ARE.


I once made up a poem about all of this, and my son actually won a Father’s Day contest by using it to explain fatherly advice. It expresses my thoughts about living, old or young:


LIFE IS LIKE A FRUITCAKE:                                                                              IT IS FILLED WITH ALL KINDS                            
OF FRUITS AND NUTS AND MORSELS                                   SWEET AND BITTER.                                                                                  STILL, A SLICE OF IT IS PRETTY GOOD.       Sure, those “fruits and nuts” we encounter in our personal slice of life may be difficult to digest. And the “bitter morsels” may sometimes overwhelm the sweetness of our existence. But all in all, that fruitcake is delectable isn’t it?  

Q: Will my memory go bad as I age?


One of my colleagues once chuckled that one of the advantages of being an old man was that he could read the books he had read before and enjoy them all over again. Ain’t it the truth? AS WE GET OLDER, OUR MEMORIES BEHAVE LIKE  REVOLVING DOORS: fact in, turn, fact out again. Perhaps a sieve would be a more appropriate analogy: only coarse material is trapped, while the rest drains out. Whatever the case, we learn to live with it: Write things down; tell the kids to remind you. Leave notes.  Now where did I put that list of Things to DO??
       AT EIGHTY WE BEGIN TO REMEMBER THINGS WE THOUGHT WE FORGOT,  AND WE BEGIN TO FORGET THINGS WE OUGHT TO REMEMBER.  I am not yet 80, but I have begun to notice my memory fading. My children and my wife disagree: They thought my memory was gone years ago!  My late father-in-law used to refer to it as an over-active “forgettery.” It does not worry me, but it sometimes leads to situations that I wish I could forget. Usually, I can apologize and say: “I’m sorry, I’m just getting old!” Those friends who like to deny their age (and aging) retort: “Don’t use that as an excuse, not all of us are getting old!” It’s not altogether bad, though. Whenever you really don’t want to do something, you can not do it, feign forgetfulness, and say: “Oh that. I forgot.”
Did you know that tHE most reliable memories are those thatsomeone else recalls? My wife and I like to tell stories. They are mostly about our travels together, but when I tell them, I tend to embellish them …a little. So that particular event did not occur exactly on that day. So what? It helped the story to flow. My wife, however, is hard-wired to fact. She remembers verbatim whatever is said and factually what transpired. So I tell our friends: “If you want the story of our trip, let me tell you. If you want the facts, ask my wife.” The next time, I’m going to bring a tape recorder!  YOU CAN BE BORN SMART, BUT WISDOM YOU MUST ACQUIRE. Have you ever heard the expression: “smart, but no common sense?” It applies to any number of people who are incredibly intelligent, but cannot survive outside of a protected environment (e.g. academia) because they do not know how to live! “Street smarts” are a kind of acquired wisdom that often serves one better than the “book smarts” of the more academic types. Hopefully, as we grow older, we acquire some of those “street smarts”, and learn how to pass them on to our children and grandchildren. Because IN LIFE, THE SAME LESSONS ARE TAUGHT OVER AND OVER. So, THE MORE YOU TRY, THE BETTER YOU BECOME.  Savor your experiences, good and bad; remember them. They may make you wise.      
Probably the best advice I can offer is: DON’T TRY TO UNDERSTAND  LIFE, JUST LIVE IT. Don’t ask: “Why me? What did I do to deserve this?!” You’ll have to deal with it anyway. Those who do manage to cope are often heard to say: “That’s life!” And it is! Life is a balance between triumph and adversity. In the long run, most of us end up on the “plus” side of the ledger. So skip the questions, the remorse, and the whining. Deal with it, forget it, and go on living. How else will you get old?    
 And speaking of getting older and wiser, I have often said: I want to BE KNOWN AS A WISER OLD GUY, NOT AN OLDER WISE GUY!  As you have already gathered,  I have always been quick with quips. Perhaps it comes from growing up in a relatively “tough” school, where being verbally facile could get you out of some jams. (Being able to run fast also helped.) As I grew older, however, I had to learn to curb my verbal assaults, because they were not considered good manners. I could still cast a few zingers now and then, but decorum demanded better behavior. Now I am old, and guess what? It’s OK again to be a little “edgy” with my conversation. I have to be careful that people do not get upset, but there is definitely more freedom. However, as the aphorism states, one has to be a little bit circumspect, because I risk becoming that older “wise guy”. Still, I know that OPTIMISM MAKES YOU TRY, BUT WISDOM MAKES YOU STOP!  And THE MORE YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU KNOW THAT YOU DON’T KNOW.
          One more comment about “wisdom:”  You need to let people know What you know before you don’t know it anymore. I am a teacher – well, a part-time teacher. But I have been teaching my whole life. I remember tutoring some of my grammar school classmates who were having trouble with the lessons. I helped my own children as they grew up, and I taught my patients during my career as an active physician. Many of those patients asked why I was retiring to teach, and  I explained that it is important to share experiences with young doctors so that they can learn to become better doctors, especially by avoiding the mistakes that I had made. Doctors do learn from other doctors, but only if the teacher learns to communicate. Those who can, teach. So my mid-life crisis was not that at all: IT WAS NOT A CRISIS, IT WAS A CHRYSALIS.  My midlife crisis has come and gone: I was restless and disgruntled about the way things were going! Pay cuts, paperwork, fatigue, aches and pains, blah, blah, blah. So what?! I was alive, functioning and happy about most of my life: I had (and have) a great wife, two wonderful children and an outstanding son-in-law and daughter-in-law. And now I have been blessed with three marvelous grandchildren. My brain still works (most of the time), and darn it, people like me (I think!). So it wasn’t really a crisis as much as a chrysalis, and I was a caterpillar, on the way to becoming a beautiful butterfly!
After all, IT IS BETTER TO DIE “YOUNG,”THAN TO LIVE “OLD.” We all know people who are eternally “young”. Despite their chronological age, they are active, engaged, and vital individuals. They seemed to have dodged the ravages of aging - frailty of mind and body, senility or Alzheimer’s disease. We marvel at them, even as time eventually runs out and they die “young”. And of course, we all know those individuals who live life as though they were already confined to a retirement home. Fretful, dyspeptic, frail of mind and body through no fault of actual disease, but more of psychological aging. We do our best to help them, but the task is daunting. Sometimes we are given a choice of how to live and how to die. What will yours be?
THE STREAM OF LIFE WILL FLOW RIGHT PAST UNLESS YOU JUMP IN FOR A SWIM.   All of us grouse and moan at one time or another either that we are bored or that life has been unfair. If truth be told, however, our problems may be self-made. As Pogo once opined: “We have met the enemy and they is us.” More often than not, our lives are shaped more by our own actions than by external forces. We   can blame it on our “genes”, our wives, our kids, our jobs, etc. But if we look into the mirror and study the person looking back, we will see whose fault it really is. Even if you are older, there is still time to do something about it. Don’t waste any more time complaining: Get up, get out, and go do it!  Remember, YOUR SHOW HAS A LIMITED ENGAGEMENT; MAKE YOUR PERFORMANCE MEMORABLE. Every day you are older, and when each day ends, it is gone. “Life” time is too precious to waste. We are as transient as a drop of rain, a ray of sunshine or a star’s twinkle. YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS BUT A MOMENT IN TIME; TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE IT.
Do you remember that Bankcard commercial about the cost of this or that? Here is a variation-                                                                                                                                                    Doctor’s visit: $75
Medication:      $250
Eyeglasses:      $500
Getting older:  PRICELESS!
There is no price you can put on life. We need to appreciate the value of our time here before there is none left. Live your life to the fullest every day that you can. If you reach old age, you will have achieved that “value-added”  part that comes from living. Priceless, no? 
          And to insure that this brief life will be a happy one, take this piece of advice: A HAPPY LIFE: SMALL FAVORS, GLADLY GIVEN. Have you been generous to those in need? Have you expressed love to those you love? Have you done your best to give people your best? Have you been honest with yourself and others? Column A is for positive answers: ASSETS. Column B is for negative answers: DEFICITS. How is your balance sheet? No matter how old you are, there is still time…
          Remember: WHEN YOU THINK ONLY OF YOURSELF EVERYDAY, THEN EVERYDAY YOU WILL HAVE LESS AND LESS TO THINK ABOUT. Each day, we are diminished physically in one way or another. (A scientific study showed that the number of fibers in the optic nerves of healthy eighty year olds is only half of those of ten year olds.) There is no way to reverse the aging process, but there is a way to enhance your existence: Give! Become less selfish and more “elfish”. Reach in and put out. You may have lots to offer to other people: love, comfort, knowledge, and understanding. Don’t horde it! When you give, you get back. You are replenished. You are living even as your body is dying. Give! Until it feels good! 

 END OF SECTION I
     

Posted in Life Lessons | 153 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (II): Prescriptions for Better Aging -Section II Grand Parenting

May 8th, 2009

SECTION  II: Grand Parenting
I am sure that I will say this again and again: There is something special about becoming a grandparent. All of those unknowns and doubts you struggled with as a parent disappear! Oh yes, there are plenty of moments when you and the grandchildren have a difficult time “connecting,” but you simply shrug it off. You know in your heart that eventually they are going to come around. All the effort will be worth it when they say: “Grandpa and Grandma, I love you.”
An even bigger bonus may be the observation that your children are such good parents!  It probably comes from a sense of pride we have about the upbringing of our children, but there is a deep satisfaction that one derives from seeing your children take care of their children. They are often so good at it that all you have left to do is love them – children and grandchildren.
I will make only one suggestion at this juncture: Resist the desire to help raise the grandkids with your values. To be good parents or in-laws, my wife and I have subscribed to the principle of non-interference. We are always there for support – in any endeavor – and we occasionally offer suggestions. If they do not follow the suggestions, we still try to support their actions with their children. However, grandparents often become a refuge of “no strings” love for grandchildren who have to learn that parental discipline and love are not mutually exclusive. There is endless joy in that role.


Should grandparents be disciplinarians?
     I say: SPARE THE LOVE AND SPOIL THE CHILD.     As a grandfather of three, I have often been accused of spoiling my grandchildren. This charge is most often issued by a non-grandparent, and sometimes by a childless person. I usually smile and say, “Wait ‘til you have grandchildren.” Loving your children or grandchildren does not necessarily mean “spoiling” them. I look upon spoiling as giving anything the child wants with no limits, while “loving” means providing all the child needs without limits. And that need includes YOU. Children cannot thrive on love alone, but neither can they thrive without love. So my advice is to love them more than they need. They can save the spare love for a rainy day.
     After all, GRANDPARENTS CAN MAKE THE “LOVE TRIP” WITHOUT BAGGAGE.  Any of you who are parents will understand what follows. Those of you who are not, I beg you take heed. Being a parent is one of the hardest things we have to do in this life. First you have to raise the children with love and discipline, but you lack a proper set of instructions. (Yes, I know that all of the Child Psychology books advise you about how to do this or that. They are helpful, but they do not always apply to the particular situation you are faced with at the moment you most need advice.)  Parents struggle through it until they become grandparents. Then, if they are lucky enough to have their grandchildren close at hand, they get to watch those children they raised try to raise the grandchildren, with love and discipline. Meantime, we grandparents can unpack the baggage full of guilt, of struggle, of all kinds of things. And then we are left with just the love.
          Because of this love, GRANDMAS AND GRANDPAS ARE OFTEN “GREAT” BEFORE THEIR APPOINTED TIMES.  It is nearly impossible to describe the joy I felt when I held that first grandchild. And when the little person fell asleep on my chest, it was wondrous. But the best of all occurred when he or she said, “Grandpa.…” I know that the definition of a great grandpa is the male grandparent of one’s offspring’s offspring. But I must say that I already feel “great” without the official title. Perhaps that is why the first generation’s children are called “grand” children and you are called “grand” parent. It seems appropriate!
          And it doesn’t matter what they call you: GRANDPA, PAW-PAW, PAPA, GRAMPS— CALL ME WHAT YOU WILL, IT IS A WONDERFUL TITLE.  I’ve had a lot of titles in my life: Mister, Husband, Father, Homeowner, Doctor, and Professor. But the one that has made me happiest is “Grandpa.” Yes, I was certainly happy as a husband or father, but “Grandpa” just seemed to fit. It was the right size. It was comfortable. And when it was pronounced by the young ones who conferred it, I preferred it over all the others. Even if I was made “Sir Knight” by a Queen, it would not be my preferred title; unless she decided to call me “Sir Grandpa.”
I have known grandparents who don’t talk about their grandchildren. Can you imagine that? I know that my wife and I can’t exist for more than a few hours without discussing the grandchildren. They are amazing creatures: They learn to crawl, walk, and talk – before your very eyes! Why don’t I remember that with our children? Was I too busy? Did I leave that task for my wife? No matter. I’ve been given a second chance, and I do not plan to blow this one. I have been, I am, and I will be involved in my grandchildren’s lives. I hope that one day they will say to their grandchildren: “I wish you could have known your great great grandpa and great great grandma…”
End Part I of Section 2  

 

Posted in Life Lessons | 160 Comments »

Section II (cont’d) More about Grand Parenting

June 6th, 2009
Should a grandparent give money to grandchildren?

My children think this is corny, but here is my answer:
BABIES ARE FOR HOLDING.
CHILDREN ARE FOR MOLDING.
PARENTS ARE FOR SCOLDING.
GRANDFOLKS ARE FOR “GOLDING”.
I have  already discussed that as a grandparent you don’t really have to be a disciplinarian, because parents have that “role” in this play. You can be a playmate. Usually, the Mom and Dad are busy being, well, Mom and Dad! Cooking, cleaning, working, and driving: you remember all of those parental chores, don’t you? Unless you were wealthy enough to afford full-time help, the chores took time, and the kids were just one of the chores. As a grandparent, you can provide time and money to help take care of the children. It is a “golden” opportunity.
And while we are discussing payments, remember: GRANDMA’S ADVICE IS FOR FREE!  Do you remember who was always there when you needed advice? Who always gave you straight answers – no strings, no provisions? Who? Grandma! Always there when you needed her. Rarely judgmental, always loving. Grandma would listen, console, and comfort you. Grandma’s advice was free from all of the ornaments that come with advice from your parents: “You can do that, but…” Parental conversations usually had a sub-context: I am the parent and you are the child. With Granny, it never seemed that way: “What would you like to do, child?” This was an invitation and not an order. Grannies were great sounding boards, your very own one-person focus group with no agenda. What did we do before there were grannies?
          And, AFTER A DOSE OF GRANDMA, BABIES SLEEP BETTER.
Crying babies have always been a problem for me. And it is especially disconcerting when they cry while you are holding them. Your “there, there, don’t cry” seems ineffective or even worse, aggravating. But give that baby to grandma, and suddenly he or she is quiet and cooing. What do they have that we (grandpas) don’t have? (Maybe we should reconsider that question.) Whatever it is, it is often a magic potion for achieving a new, quieter state. Too bad it doesn’t work when they are older.
          Grandma also advises:
KNICK-KNACKS OUT OF REACH.
CABINETS WITH SAFETY LOCKS.PADDING ON THE TABLE’S EDGE.
TRY TO PREVENT HARD KNOCKS.
SACRIFICES
FOR THE VISITS
OF THE GRANDCHILDREN.
SMALL PRICE.
Making the house safe for the visits of toddlers is not easy, especially when there have been no toddlers for many years. All of those pretty memories and decorative pieces we accumulate from travels and shopping sprees must be placed away from curiosity and out of temptation’s reach. Sharp edges, sharp objects - all covered or locked up. What’s more, the babies seem to have an ativistic tendency (like reptiles) to taste everything. So what about those attractively colored medications – so many pills? Lock them in a “drug safe”. Are those little cherubs worth the fuss? You bet your sweet “bippies” they are!
          Finally, there is the matter of “discipline” which began this section.

Do grandparents have a role in disciplining their grandkids? We do expect good manners:

“GOO’GIRL”
“T’ANK ‘OO”
A CHILD’S EDUCATION
IN POLITE BEHAVIOR-
WELL SPOKEN!


I know that I have gone on and on about my grandkids. Just so. They deserve it. As Garrison Kieler says: they are “all above average” in my eyes. More importantly, they represent all grandchildren, and I, hopefully, represent all grandparents. With luck, they will grow up to be polite, productive individuals. But they cannot do it without caring parents and helpful grandparents. Just like any growing thing, they require nurturing and tender care. Be there. Don’t miss it if you can. The time goes by so fast, and in a minute “t’ank oo” turns into “thank you very much, Grandpa.” And “I yuv yoo, Gran’pa” becomes “how nice to see you.” When I think about that, it makes me feel very “byoo”.
END SECTION 2

  

  

Posted in Life Lessons | 302 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (Vol II) Prescriptions for Better Aging, Section III The “Final Turn” (Part 1)

July 1st, 2009

Part 1
   I have often commented to my friends: DON’T BE TOO FRIGHTENED ABOUT AGING, IT ONLY LASTS A FINITE PERIOD OF TIME.  Of course, this is some of the wry humor I use to cope with end-of-life issues. Aging reminds us that we in the “twilight” of our existence. And sometimes, especially if we are ill, the “night” that follows is more than welcome. The only thing that we know that eases the pain of aging is that one day it will end.


    Using another metaphor, I say that Life IS LIKE A HORSERACE: AT THE END, THERE IS A WINNER AND LOSERS. BUT WHILE THE RACE IS ON, ANYONE CAN ATTAIN THE WINNER’S CIRCLE. This analogy to a horserace applies to life in more than one way. For example, in any single horse race (and life) the ponies only go around the track once. Horses may get to go around in a second, third or fourth race on the program. Your “human” race program is completed forever at the finish line. Therefore, it is important to give it your best during the race. Your record will either be 1-0 or 0-1. However, if you give it your best and run a good race, people will remember you – win or lose.
     For myself, I WOULD RATHER BE REMEMBERED NOT FOR NAMING A BUILDING, BUT FOR BUILDING A NAME. Each of us has had a conscious or unconscious goal for our lives. Some wanted to be rich, some famous, some both! There are those who only wish to be remembered for the things they accomplished. Others give enough money to erect an edifice with their name attached. Still others gain permanency by contributing so much of him or herself to the societal good that they are indelibly inscribed in collective memory – no buildings, no statues, just memory. They lived life as though someone was taking notes – someone was. 

Will our own memories be sweet or bitter?

    It is hard to predict, because each person has individual memories. My advice: DON’T LOOK BACK, THE VIEW MAY BE OBSTRUCTED BY REALITY.  Memory is a funny thing. It can be good or bad, happy or sad, foggy or clear, long or short. Memory can be self-serving and selfish; memory can be altered. And as I have opined above, as we grow older, memory may be lost.  Then there is reality. If you want adjectives for this, try “naked,” “glaring,” “unblinking.” Reality is, well, real! Unlike our memory, we cannot escape its fact. Remember this: reverie is not memory, and fact is the “backbone” of reality. Sometimes you have to stiffen yours to really remember.  Really, THE MOST RELIABLE MEMORIES ARE THOSE THAT SOMEONE ELSE RECALLS.


          As we grow older, it is often our children who become our “memory” and caregivers, especially if we are ill. In fact, FIRST THE PARENTS BRING THE CHILDREN; THEN THE CHILDREN BRING THE PARENTS. For more than 30 years, I treated several generations in the same family. It was a wonderful privilege to be woven into the life-fabric of those families; to share in the triumphs and tragedies, the happiness and sadness that defines everyone’s existence. I watched children grow into warm, caring adults. Then they brought their aging parents just as they were brought by those same parents so many years before. It was stressful for those children (and for me) to see their loved ones deteriorate with time. But they (and I) did our best to cope. The world turns.

     Part of the problems with aging is the health issues we must deal with. It seems that SOME PEOPLE MUST PAY INCREASING AMOUNTS OF “RENT”TO STAY IN THEIR “HOUSES” To further the metaphor, we only have a “lease” on this life, and we pay “rent” to inhabit our bodies during our lifetime. What is the “rent?”  It is the increasing number of difficulties we encounter as we age: more doctors and pills; more aches and pains; fewer functions that work. If that isn’t rent payment, what is? And I think most of us would rather make payments in dollars than with that “kind” of rent any day. Unfortunately, the lease is life-long, and the rent payment is not controlled. Your body, like some old building is declared unfit for habitation, and it is razed. So get ready for some big rent money if you want to remain a tenant. You (and I) are going to need it.  And the last payment will be paid when we vacate, and any security deposit will be left with the land-Lord.


     Furthermore, MOST OF US DON’T MIND EXPRESS CHECK-OUT, BUT WE DID WANT FULL USE OF THE ROOM.  At the end, most of us wish for a swift and painless conclusion to our lives: No tubes or bottles; no ventilators or machines to keep us going; just a peaceful exit – preferably in our sleep. Each night, it is a good habit to remember all the good times you’ve had in your “room.”  Forget the other memories. Those good memories will make check-out much easier and help carry you comfortably to your final destination.
End Part 1, Section III    

 

Posted in Life Lessons | 140 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (Vol II) Prescriptions for Better Aging, Section III The “Final Turn” (Part 2)

August 3rd, 2009

Will dying be difficult?

     For some of us, LIFE IS A STRUGGLE; DEATH AN ESCAPE. This aphorism was brought home to me recently when I suffered the sudden loss of a close family member. She had lived a remarkable life. (Some might say she lived at a pace that would have filled two lives!) She had two marriages, one divorce, survived poverty and lived through two bouts of potentially lethal cancer, only to die from still a third malignancy. And her death was an escape: an escape from debilitating pain, an escape from overwhelming infection, and an escape from a life that certainly would have been so very different. At the end, her suffering was mercifully brief, for death eases all pain.  But ours began – less physically painful, mostly emotional, but a struggle nonetheless to accept her (our) loss. SAD EVENTS MAY BREAK YOUR HEART; DON’T LET THEM BREAK YOUR SPIRIT.

          Some people think that death is a blessing, but WITH EACH BLESSING, THERE IS A BURDEN. A blessing may be defined differently by different people. Growing older and witnessing the beauty of life is a blessing. But when someone who is suffering finally succumbs, one may hear: “It was a blessing.” A new baby also may be described similarly: a blessing. A blessing is, by most definitions, a favor from God. Thus, the dying and newborn may each be a blessing in that God presumably answered those prayers. But it does not end there. We are blessed with the baby, but we must raise him or her to adulthood. Parents are often a blessing, but they may need much care in their old age. The person who dies is presumably free of the burdens of life, but those who are left must carry on, saddened and depressed by the loss. Blessings carry a price, and it is our obligation to bear the burden.


          EACH OF US IS A DIFFERENT MYSTERY, BUT THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS THE SAME. At the beginning, one cannot predict what a life may become.  It is a puzzle, : THE ONLY PREDICTABLE IN LIFE IS LIFE’S UNPREDICTABILITY.  But at the end, the mystery will be solved. No matter our differences throughout life, our final scene is played out with minimal variation.
      For LIFE IS AN OPERA, BUT THERE ARE NO CURTAIN CALLS AFTER THE LAST ACT.  Opera plots present lives that may be sad or happy, and lives that inspire or depress us.  However they are represented, they are interesting and entertaining.  I am grateful to have experienced my “operatic” life, and I hope to perform through the last act.  I am not too upset about missing the curtain calls, but I sure would like to have read the reviews.
      LIFE IS A GIFT MARKED: “Return to Sender.”  Whether you are a deist or an atheist, a creationist or big-bang theorist, it is difficult to argue about the mystery of life. Complex and confounding, life is certainly a gift, no matter how you feel it came to be. But life, all life, is finite. Whether we consider the butterfly or the elephant, a day-lily or a dandelion, “living” is finite.  So enjoy this “gift;” it is only a “loaner.” And as you read this, remember, the timer has been started. So before the “repo” -man comes to collect, make the most of your gift: Live up to your potential. Don’t squander a minute. You will have the rest of time to rest.
END  SECTION III Part 2
 

 

Posted in Life Lessons | 254 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (Vol II) Prescriptions for Better Aging, Section IV “afterthoughts” (Part 1)

August 30th, 2009

SECTION  IV: “afterthoughts..”  INTRODUCTION

BETWEEN BLINKS (OF THE EYE) LIFE HAPPENS.  Growing older is merely one part of life. Any of you who read my first book know that I am a perpetual optimist, and I am far more interested in living my current life than worrying about what is to come. Optimism comes from understanding that most “bad stuff” is temporary. One can expect that things will eventually improve. If you can maintain your health and your wits, anything is possible. Just look around: CONTENTMENT MAY COME FROM THE REALIZATION OF HOW MUCH YOU ALREADY HAVE.   
 

The last section of this book is filled with my random thoughts about living, young or old. Some may be apropos for aging, but they are primarily aimed at just plain living. I am afraid that many of us are so busy trying to save enough money so that we can “enjoy life,” that we forget to enjoy what we are so busy doing. LET THOSE NEARER TO DEATH WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE. LIVE NOW!

     So be prepared to suspend your disbelief and spend time at my place, where life is beautiful and really worth living…   


      CLASSES IN LIFE ARE ONGOING, WHETHER OR NOT YOU ATTEND. Some of us learn from our life experiences. With luck, they lead to wisdom and the ability to solve future puzzles. Others never seem to learn: Destined to failure, they continue to commit the same mistakes over and over again. And each time, the mistakes result in negative consequences. Are these individuals asleep in class? Are they uneducable? I cannot pass judgment, but if I were their teacher, they would flunk out!  We are all seeking what is described as the “good life.”  Well, I say DON’T LOOK FOR THE “good life.” LIFE IS ALREADY GOOD WITHOUT MODIFICATION. How often do we seek something more, something better from life? More money? A better car? More sleep? Better clothes? Whatever you can think of, you can think of having more or better or both. But do we need to strive constantly for more or better things? How about more life? More years of good quality life. Better health. Better yet, something less: less aches and pains; less medication; less stress. Next time you make a wish for more things, take a good look at your priorities.   After all, BIRTH – LIFE – DEATH, ALL RANDOM EVENTS, A LOTTERY: DO YOU HAVE A WINNING TICKET? There is not much we can do about birth or death: They are beyond anyone’s control. If we are lucky, each will be an easy transition. But LIFE- that has some modifiers that we can control. We can improve our lives by behavior that enhances rather than detracts: eating healthy foods, exercising, staying active. You may not have a winning ticket, but you will feel like a winner just the same.

   And WITH A LITTLE WORK, YOU YOU CAN MAKE YOUR “best” BETTER.  Best is a relative term. It indicates status at that time, but it does not indicate the ultimate that may be obtained. Always strive to improve yourself. Your best right now could be mediocre tomorrow.

                            How does one cope with life’s problems?
THE ROAD THROUGH LIFE IS FULL OF POTHOLES. KEEP YOUR “spare” (tire) IN GOOD REPAIR. Life is never static. Even those who complain of being bored by their lives will admit that there are variations – ups and downs – each day. If your psyche is healthy and your purse is full, it is easier to weather the daily storms of our existence. But sometimes there are major disasters – big “potholes” that wreak havoc and cause a breakdown. And life comes to a halt for a while. “FOR A WHILE” is the operative phrase. When there is a breakdown, there is need for repair. (Almost everything is reparable.) YOU CAN RECOVER FROM A “FENDER-BENDER” SO LONG AS YOU AND THE CAR ARE NOT “TOTALED.”  We can often endure a temporary setback, and soon, life returns to “normal.” Once repaired, you can be, as the song says “on the road again…” As long as there is a road to travel, keep your “vehicle” in good condition, have your spare tire ready for emergencies, and keep on truckin’.  You really cannot know “good” without “bad” for comparison:

WITHOUT BLACK, THERE IS NO WHITE;
WITHOUT DARK, THERE IS NO LIGHT;
WITHOUT DAY, THERE IS ONLY NIGHT.

 

 

End Section IV,  Part 1

 

 

Posted in Life Lessons | 10 Comments »

September 2nd, 2009

Posted in Uncategorized | 286 Comments »

Dr. Harry’s Homilies (Vol II) Prescriptions for Better Aging, Section IV “afterthoughts” (Part 2)

September 28th, 2009

 Section IV  more “afterthoughts” (Part 2)

How can one have a successful life?

If you AIM FOR THE STARS; AFTER TAKEOFF, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST CLEAR THE TREES. Most successful people earn their success by hard work. Of course, a few are very lucky and success comes easily, but the observation remains that success often is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Perhaps another old saw applies here: “You get what you pay for.” More work, more success. The higher the goal, the steeper the climb. (Isn’t it remarkable how many familiar sayings are attached to this subject?) If you aim for something less than the best you can do, you may well achieve your goal with less work. But will it be really good? Is mediocre O.K.? I don’t think so. Aim high! You can do it! 


          Continuing this theme of hard work, I say THE MORE YOU wish FOR SOMETHING, THE LESS LIKELY YOU ARE TO GET IT. There is another old saying: “If wishes were horses, we would be knee deep in manure.” Wishing, hoping, (praying?) is a natural human trait. A wish and a hope can activate you to patiently work for something, or they can lead you down the path of “hopeful waiting”. At the end of that path is the graveyard of unfulfilled wishes. Of course, there are some whose dreams are fulfilled by good fortune, but most others are simply disappointed. On the other hand, the patient toiler who employs hard work and ingenuity to achieve his goal is more often rewarded with success: “My wish came true!”  Don’t wish for it to happen, MAKE IT HAPPEN!
          Also, keep the sense of childhood wonder in all that you do. My 4 year old granddaughter once observed : “When my OUTSIDE eyes are open, my INSIDE eyes are closed. But when my OUTSIDE eyes are closed, my INSIDE eyes are open!”  How often do we let ourselves imagine? Have you taken time to daydream; build “castles in the sky?” Children do it readily. Sometimes they have difficulty separating fantasy from fact. But fantasy is a pleasant escape from the harsh realities of here and now. Children do not let cares and woes interfere with imagination: They can go anywhere. Do anything. Have their heart’s desire. And it doesn’t cost a thing!  Our “outside eyes” see what is; our “inside eyes” see what could be. Maybe all of us need to shut out the real world once in a while and “see” the dream that is within us. So go ahead, close your outside eyes and use your “eyemagination”, your mind’s eyes, your INSIDE eyes!


          Also, don’t forget to maintain a child’s sensitive view of things: ONE CAN BE BLIND WITHOUT LOSING SIGHT.  Blind people are often more perceptive about some things than their sighted brethren. It is a recognized fact that when one of the senses is deficient, the other senses will become more acute. Thus it is when the sight is diminished. People can sense minor nuances in the voice or demeanor of another person: things that we might not even be aware of. And the opposite is also true: Sighted individuals may well be blind to the emotional well-being of their friends, their spouses, or their children. Blinded by ambition? By money? By insensitivity? Whatever the reason, if this applies to you, open your eyes!
          One final piece of advice about success: Cast out prejudice. As a retired eye surgeon, I have commented that  CATARACT REMOVAL RESTORES SIGHT; BIGOTRY REMOVAL RESTORES INSIGHT. I was privileged to participate in thousands of sight-restoring surgical procedures. What a joy it was to bring back that precious sense – vision – to another human being. Would that the removal of “blinding prejudice” be that simple. There are no scalpels sharp enough, nor incisions deep enough to remove that disorder without the cooperation of the patient. As a human being, I understand prejudice – I have some of my own! (Physician, cure thyself!)  If we can see into ourselves, our souls, and come to understand the cause of the problem we will have made the first incision of that curative surgery: “bigotrectomy.”

End Section IV, Part 2 

Posted in Life Lessons | 97 Comments »

« Previous Entries